It is dark, oh so dark.  I am a boulder cracked in half.  Life’s blood is draining, flowing from the crack into the Universe.  My body is surrounded in blackness but I can see.  White hands appear from invisible arms.  They are clawing, clawing their way upward seeking the light above.  The rest of me is sinking deeper into the night.  I am terrified.  I feel that the end is near.  I can hardly breathe.  What would happen if I gave up fighting and surrendered to the darkness?

   It is always darkest before dawn.  I have become darkness.  I am the eastern horizon, black as coal.  I am humbled by this dark experience, full of gratitude as well.  I am giving thanks for all that I have now and all that I have had before, perhaps I have passed over but I sense that something wonderful is about to come. It will emerge with the rising sun.

   I feel suddenly renewed, my breath becomes even then realigns with the rhythm of my heart.  My heart is my drum. Beating, beating, beating with the natural rhythm of the earth. I hear voices raised in song.  They are melodius exultations which raise universal vibrations during every sunrise.  A voice urges me to sing and laugh often in the future.  The joy of harmony is a sharing of heightened consciousness.

  The sun begins to rise and I feel the power of a new day.  Fingers of silver light begin to spread over the hills.  Evergreens, spruce, birch and poplars are silhouetted by gentle lavender light.  A healing has begun.  The sun begins to climb but lavender hues hug the earth only to blend with pale yellow, orange and white at a higher elevation.  A pale blue sky highlights the unusual pastel colors of dawn.

  The earth remains at rest as white foggy haze lingers like angels breath about the trees.  The air is crisp with a sweet scent.  A sense of euphoria encompasses me as I re-emerge from darkness into dawn like birth.  Laughter bubbles forth from within as I realize that I had been battling against myself.  I had been needing to choose a new direction or make a decision for positive future change.  This is what the darkness signified.  The life blood seeping from me as a rock were old uncomfortable ways of being. I was never really in the dark after all.  The color which had been surrounding me was the color blue.  Blue is a color of protection, healing and higher knowing.  Unconsciously, I knew I had been needing to make a decision then I needed to be okay with the decision I made. My choices are protected, but I must exercise free will.  When we put off making a decision, fight or challenge change, it forces us into times of darkness or despair simply because it then becomes necessary to overcome our passive or aggressive tendencies. When we combine discernment with free will to make a decision or choice then choose to be okay with it, we emerge from a better place within, solidified and balanced in the present.

   In his book, “Awareness,” Anthony De Mellow said, “Some of us suffer so much that we get woken up by the harsh realities of life.  Your beliefs give you a lot of security but faith is insecurity.  Being open does not mean being gullible.  Skepticism is healthy.  Challenge everything but challenge it from an attitude of openness, not from an attitude of stubbornness.  And, challenge it all.”

   “We differ from others in what we do or don’t do, not in what we are.”

    Make a decision to emerge from darkness.  Remember the color blue.  Blue tastes like raspberries.  It rewards us for facing instances which are bitter sweet.  Revel in your mistakes. Learn from them then move on. Make no apologies to yourself for having made an improper choice.  Those decisions are opportunities to learn about self.  How else can we experience or gauge what feels right for us as an individual.  As long as we are faced with choices, we know that we have been granted free will.  Use yours. 

   Breathe.

   Listen for your heart beat.  You are alive.  Live in joy, become air. Be gentle with yourself.  Face your fears, dream big.  Use discernment when making a choice and choose a direction which feels good to you.  Take small steps and enjoy the process.  Think positive about change.  Realize that all things are possible for the sky is your only limit.

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