The Trefoil Muse

I am a very easy going person, and enjoy life.  I don’t ask for much other than to be healthy and happy, but yet it seems like I get taken advantage of in many different ways.  I get walked over all the time.  I don’t think I’m better than anyone, in fact I probably have less than a lot, but I feel very rich within myself and my home.  I know that I am an enabler because I never want to see anyone hurting for any reason so I try to help if I can.  How can I change his within myself and still be helpful to others?

Are you feeling like this and have you ever asked this type of question?  If so, it is an excellent question!

Congratulations number one for recognizing that you are a codependent and enabler!  We all are from time to time; this is human tendency and obviously causes self-esteem problems.

Moose Medicine and the North direction are indicated to seek wisdom in addressing self-esteem issues.  This is inner work.

First of all, realize that you have done the best that you were able up to this point in your life.  Now, analyze your mistakes.  Where did you make them and how can they be transformed into positive experiences.  Jot these ideas down.  This exercise assists us to glean wisdom from our past lessons or experiences in life.

Secondly, make some rules and set some new standards for yourself.  Don’t be too rigid as change takes time and patience.  Remember you must start with yourself first, and then others will follow.  Be a leader.  You can do this.  You are an intelligent, feeling person and you are worthy of respect.

Now, ask you; ‘What do I deserve?  What truly makes me happy?’  Wisdom is doing.  Practice by following through with your ideas.  Parent yourself but, nurture yourself as well.  This helps you become responsible for yourself, increases self-esteem and helps with self-respect.

It may also be helpful to ask, ‘What is it that I am getting out of my relationship with others?’

Are you volunteering to take on problems and not being respected for it?  If this is your case, realize that people need to be responsible for their own lives.  Patience is sometimes difficult but everyone develops at their own pace so if we continue to do for others, they may never learn to do for themselves.  Instead of offering advice, perhaps ask them what their options are and let them choose what suits them best.  If they choose an option that doesn’t suit you, realize that it may be that person’s learning curve.  That is what mistakes are, tools to learn by.  The next time around, they may choose a different option.  And, you will not feel as if you are being taken advantage of.   Rather; the result will be one of detached support.

Pain on the other hand is difficult to detach from.  We do not need to take that on either.  People can live pain free lives if they choose to but their egos play games with their minds.  Realize that no matter what we do sometimes others simply do not feel they are deserving and continue to return to a state of pain.  We therefore, can only do what we can do.  Try not to offer resolutions if they aren’t asked for.  Sometimes people in pain strike out in terrible ways especially if they aren’t ready for; or are not asking for help.  Try to step back and let things be if this happens.  Do what you need to do.  Make yourself happy.  Hope for the best, when you are a good leader to yourself, others follow.  Most people want positive life styles and crave the change but don’t understand how until they notice it in another.

So before reacting to the next person or situation, try the following.  Breathe; take a few moments to clear your head.  Sense how your gut feels about what is happening.  This is your instinctual desire.  Now, move to your heart.  Sense what is happening with your heart’s desire.  Next, realign your head with your gut then gut with your heart.  How does his feel?  This is your conscience.  Take balanced action now.  Be true to yourself; remember its okay to say no from time to time as we all get over-whelmed by life.

Above all, remember you are worthy of happiness.  Be gentle; give yourself a daily hug and a smile.  Love yourself.  You’re perfect!